


Un-Thinkable

by agape_eternal



Category: Twilight (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-29
Updated: 2012-07-29
Packaged: 2017-11-10 23:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/472017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agape_eternal/pseuds/agape_eternal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two weeks before the wedding, Edward has to come to terms with his feelings. Whether he's willing to do what his heart wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Un-Thinkable

**Author's Note:**

> "Moment of honesty, someone's gotta take the lead tonight  
> Whose it gonna be?  
> I'm gonna sit right here and tell you all that comes to me  
> If you have something to say, you should say it right now..."  
> \--Alicia Keys, 'Un-Thinkable'

Edward’s leaning against the hood of his car, dangerously close to the treaty line. He has two weeks until he’s married, until he starts his life over with Bella, until he’s supposed to turn her, and he’s convinced himself he’s only here to make sure Jacob shows up because if he didn’t it would hurt Bella deeply. He’s convinced himself that he isn’t here for anything else, just the insurance policy for his future wife, because she’s asked for it, for him to do it for her. More like begged. But if he said it out loud, told Jacob that to his face, he’d laugh in the husky way he does. He’d call Edward out on it; he’s the only one with the balls to do it. 

He closes his eyes as Jacob’s thoughts get closer to him. He’s pushing the limits of where this…thing is going. This thing between them. He’s not even sure what to call it. It isn’t a friendship necessarily or a feud anymore, but it isn’t exactly a romance either. Well, not exactly. “Hate sex/frienenemies with benefits turned into something deeper on steroids” he guesses. It’ll be his coined phrase on whatever this actually turns out to be. But lately this “whatever” has been turning into “forever”. They keep getting closer and closer and it takes a reality check for Edward to realize it. Like realizing how close his wedding is getting. 

It’s profound and unmovable. He feels with Jacob things he’s never felt with anyone, including Bella. She makes him feel nice and needed and that’s great but she’s also needy and clingy and desperate. There’s no room for his own emotions, which is a problem because they’re so big themselves. They weigh down on him and with Bella, he doesn’t have time for himself, doesn’t have time to get his own issues out of the way. Jacob makes him feel alive. He makes him feel open and needy and hot and wanted. He’s never felt that. There’s both give and take. It’s totally different from Bella. Normally different doesn’t mean better, but in this case…it does. He sighs and drops his head as he waits. 

Jacob’s thoughts are impossibly loud, they always have been, but Edward doesn’t lift his head. He waits until the padding of paws turns into the rustling of clothes, until he knows Jacob’s close enough to really see. He finally looks up, meeting Jacob’s dark eyes. Jacob gazes at him for a while before leaning back against the nearest tree. 

“What’d you want?” 

Edward shifts slightly. “Bella, she wants to make sure you’ll be at the wedding…” 

Jacob levels him with an intense look that conveys complete agitation. “If you’re here just to bullshit me, I’ve got patrol duty so I should be getting back.” 

“Don’t.”

“Then what’re you really here for? I don’t have time for games.” ‘Just tell me the fuckin truth’ he thinks. 

Edward sighs. “I don’t know…really. I just…” He shrugs. Normally he’d make up another lie, but he can’t do that, not with Jacob, not now. Jacob forces him into the corner of truth, one he’s not entirely comfortable in. It’s just one more reason he’s here. Jacob pushes him and he likes it. He needs it. 

“You don’t know…” 

“No. I’m here because she asked me to be, but I’m not at the same time. I’m…confused.”

“Okay…?”

“About…Bella, about whether I’m doing the right thing…about…us.” 

Jacob stares at him for a while and Edward shifts under his gaze. He’s afraid Jacob isn’t going to say anything when he finally breaks the silence. “What about us?” 

“I don’t…everything.”

“So two weeks before you’re getting married you decide I’m right and there is something for us to talk about.”

“Terrible timing right?” Edward smiles slightly and Jacob scoffs. 

“You’re an asshole.” 

“Jake−”

“Do you know how bad this’ll hurt her?”

“I thought this was what you wanted.”

“What do you want? Do you even know?” 

Edward looks at him for a long time then nods slowly. 

“And what’s that?”

“You.” 

Jacob doesn’t say anything, just stares at him. 

“Jacob…”

‘He’s crazy,’ he thinks and Edward is about to say something when he says it out loud. “You’re crazy. No. Actually, you’re fuckin nuts.” 

“Yeah, probably.” 

“You know everyone will hate us.”

“Carlisle won’t.”

“He loves Bella.”

“He knows.” 

Jacob narrows his eyes at him. “How?”

“He knows me. He could tell.”

‘Right’. Jacob sighs. “What’re we doing?” He steps across the treaty line towards Edward. 

“We’re doing the right thing.” 

He snorts. “‘The right thing’? Wouldn’t that be you forgetting me and going ahead and marrying Bella, turning her into one of you and living happily ever after?” 

“Would it?” 

Jacob comes closer, nudging Edward’s slightly spread legs wider apart with his knee, and steps between them. “Not for you.”

“Only me?”

“Well, I guess me too.” 

“You guess.” Edward reaches out and settles his hands on Jacob’s hips, thumbs rubbing slow circles against his skin where his shirt has ridden up and his jeans have slipped, then looks at him. 

Jacob slides his hands up Edward’s arms. “It’d be wrong for us. Right for her. If you do this, it’ll be wrong for her and right for us.” 

“She’ll live without me.” 

“Yeah, she will.”

“So would you.” 

“No, I wouldn’t.”

Edward laughs softly, but it’s not exactly pretty. “Yes you would. You haven’t imprinted on me, you’d probably be glad that’d I’d stop stalking you.” 

‘You have no idea,’ Jacob thinks and Edward blinks. “I’d survive without you. That’s not living.” 

Edward breathes out slowly and rests his forehead against Jacob’s stomach as Jacob runs his fingers through Edward’s hair. “I really don’t want you to marry her, to turn her. But she’s my best friend. I want her to be happy and I don’t wanna hurt her.” 

“I know.”

“But I’m already doing that.”

“We both are.” 

“I don’t wanna lose you either.” 

Edward slides his arms around Jacob’s waist. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“Then don’t…” 

They’re both quiet for a while before Edward lets out a slow breath. “Okay,” he murmurs and looks up at Jacob again. “Okay.” 

Jacob sighs and watches him. 

Edward licks his lips. “What happens when an immoveable object meets an unstoppable force?”

“What?”

“What happens when an immoveable object meets an unstoppable force?”

“Are you kidding me right now?”

“No.”

“We’re having a really serious conversation about our lives and you spring this?”

“Yeah.”

Jacob sighs and raises an eyebrow. “…Is this a trick question?” 

“No.”

“As far as I know, it is, because they can’t both exist. If there’s something that can’t be stopped, something else can’t exist that can’t be moved. You’re like 300 years old, you should know that.” 

Edward smiles. “I knew it. I just…wanted to hear it. We can’t…I can’t stop what I’m doing with you. And if I can’t stop then…then Bella has to be moved. That’s the answer. We are an unstoppable force, you and I. There are no immoveable objects. They’re hard to move, yeah, but we’ll do it. We have too. “

Jacob leans down and kisses him and Edward has to work hard to keep control. He doesn’t like that feeling with Jacob, it’s one of a million reasons he’s making this decision. He needs Jacob right now, but he can’t. He has to get back. He’s going to be the one breaking her heart. 

“You want me to go with you?” Jacob asks when he breaks the kiss. 

“No, I’ll be fine.”

“Edward.” 

“Yes?”

“You want me to go?”

“Yes.” 

“Alright.” 

Jacob kisses him again softly then gets into his car. Edward breathes out slowly, even though he doesn’t need too, and gets in. 

The drive is quiet and tense. Edward keeps glancing over at Jacob like he’s afraid he’ll disappear or something. Jacob smiles a little. 

“I’ll be here when you stop Edward.” 

“I know.”

“Okay.” 

Edward can’t stop looking over though and Jacob finally reaches out and takes Edward’s hand, lacing their fingers. He doesn’t say anything and even his mind is quiet. But he doesn’t have too. Edward feels everything Jacob could want to say in the strength of his hand. 

When did this get here, Edward thinks. When did it go from just occasional rough hate sex to…well this? Edward can’t pinpoint it exactly. It could’ve been when Jacob stopped fighting for dominance every time. It could’ve been the first time Edward asked him to slow down or when Jacob squeezed his thighs around Edward and told him to stay. Edward isn’t entirely sure, but it doesn’t really matter. Somewhere along the line it happened, things got blurred, and Edward can’t say when or where but it happened. He can honestly say he didn’t mean for it to get here, but he can’t honestly say he’s sorry it did. 

He stops outside of his family’s house, Bella’s truck in view. Edward wonders how nervous he looks or seems because Jacob squeezes his hand. Edward kills the engine. 

“You can still change your mind you know…” Jacob says softly. ‘Please don’t.’ 

“I’m not going too.” 

“Are you sure?”

“We’re here…I’m not going to change my mind on you. I can’t.”

“Why?”

“I’ve got a taste of what things could be like…I can’t have this with anyone else.” 

“Bella won’t bruise after she’s a vampire.” 

“I don’t mean the sex.” 

Jacob goes quiet and looks over at him. 

“I mean…the sex is amazing but…” he sighs softly. “I don’t always have to be in control with you. I can just be. I can let go and be weak if I need too, I can let you take the wheel…and sometimes, I really need too.” 

Jacob leans over and kisses him and Edward really can’t control his reaction. His guard is down with Jacob in ways it never is. He makes a soft sound in the back of his throat and undoes his seatbelt, climbing into Jacob’s lap quicker than most humans can blink. Jacob doesn’t let him control the kiss though, he keeps the reins on it, keeping it slow and deep. Edward moans softly when Jacob sucks on his tongue lightly. He knows in the back of his mind this is a bad idea, that he should stop kissing him and just go inside, tell everyone before they get caught. But he can’t. Not yet. 

Eventually Jacob pulls away to breathe but Edward leans into him, panting against him mouth. Jacob smiles a little and slides his hands up the back of Edward’s shirt. 

“We could sneak into my room and no one would know.” 

“Fat chance.” 

Edward smiles and kisses Jacob softly. His warmth is comforting and he really wants to stay there. But he knows they’ve gotta go inside at some point. He sighs softly and Jacob slips his hands into the back of Edward’s jeans. 

“How long are we gonna stall?”

“How about forever?”

“That’s a little long for me.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Edward sighs and nods. “Let’s go.” 

Jacob opens his door and Edward climbs out, then waits for Jacob. He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck as he leads him into the house. 

It’s quiet, very quiet inside. Everyone’s minds are calm, a soft buzz of background noise. It’s almost unsettling. Bella’s waiting for him, standing beside Carlisle. She looks a little uneasy and slightly pissed off. Edward can hear Jacob’s concerned and confused thoughts. He reaches out to Carlisle's mind but he’s successfully blocking him out by thinking of medical record numbers. Edward sighs softly. 

“Edward, we’ve been waiting on you.” 

He nods to Carlisle. “I was talking with Jacob.” 

“Yes,” he sighs. Their eyes meet and Edward immediately reaches out to him. ‘She knows,’ Carlisle thinks at him. ‘She of course doesn’t suspect Jacob, but she knows your relationship with her has changed, your feelings have changed.’ Edward looks down as Carlisle starts talking again. “Jacob why don’t I show you to the garage. Emmett is convinced something is wrong with his car.” 

Jacob raises an eyebrow and looks at Edward before shrugging. “Sure.” 

Carlisle nods tightly and leads him out. 

 

It takes an hour before Edward emerges from the house. Jacob is settled under Emmett’s car and Emmet’s leaned against it, talking about the motor and other things Edward really doesn’t care about. He sighs loudly and Jacob comes out from under the truck. 

“Emmett, can you give us a minute?” Edward says, looking at his brother. 

Emmett looks between them then nods. “Yeah.” He goes over to Edward and pats his shoulder then heads in the house. 

Jacob sighs. “Why’s everyone looking like she just died or something?” 

Edward shrugs a little. 

Jacob momentarily thinks maybe she does have some crazy disease or something and maybe she is gonna die. When Edward doesn’t enlighten him, he stands up and crosses his arms. “Well, what happened?” 

“She thinks getting married right now is a bad idea.” 

“And?”

“And she thinks I’m seeing someone else.” 

Jacob raises an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Because she knows I haven’t been staying in her room at night anymore and she can tell my emotions towards her have changed. That’s what she said anyway.” 

“…What did you tell her?” 

“That I love her.” 

Jacob lets out a harsh breath. 

“But that I’m not in love with her.” 

Jacob closes his eyes. 

“She means something, she will for a while. But…it’s not even that I have to make this choice. I could’ve been safe with her. She’s a good girl. But you…I can’t explain it.” 

“Try.”

Edward sighs. “With her there was something, something I liked, something that caught me. With you it’s EVERYTHING. I love you, I hate you, but only sometimes. You make me feel strong but needy. I can close myself off you to, but I don’t. I’ve never been more comfortable in someone else’s head. I can’t control myself with you. I can’t lie to you. I trust you, more than I’ve never trusted anyone else. Even Carlisle. You’re everything I shouldn’t want, but I do. I want you so bad, all the time. Not just sexually, but mentally and psychically. I want you with me, I want to hear your thoughts, I want to hear you breathe. I want to just sit with you and be near you. I just…want you. But, more than wanting you, I need you. You’re the exception to every rule I’ve spent almost a century making.” 

Jacob moves over to him. “Say it again.” 

Edward licks his lips and looks into Jacob’s eyes. He doesn’t have to reach out to his mind to know what he means. “I love you.” 

Jacob kisses him, pressing their bodies together. It’s unfair because he knows Edward can’t say no, not right now, but he doesn’t really care and neither does Edward.


End file.
